There is nothing worse when the moaning of an oncoming horde reaches your ears than running to your weapon supply room and finding your weapons thrown carelessly around without a thought to proper organization! A well-stocked and pre-arranged arsenal may mean life or death when the flesh-eating zombies are knocking at your door. And you’ll sleep better knowing that each machete and flamethrower is in its proper place.

Here’s a simple guide to organizing your weapons for quick and easy access for those inevitable attacks!

Step One: Know Your Weapons

Not all weapons are created equal. It’s good to know which weapons are best which kinds of fights. Are the menfolk going on a proactive mission to annihilate a nest of zombies? In that case, best to have long-range weapons such as flamethrowers, rifles and crossbows.

Have the zombies already reached the front door? Well, you’ll probably need some closer range weapons too such as machetes and chainsaws (a popular choice with our young men but an absolutely chore to clean up after). Once you’ve separated the weapons by most practical attack scenario, and then by type, the fun can begin!

Step Two: Label-Making

Of course, each of our group has their own favorite weapon that they keep on their person or close at hand. My personal favorite is the crossbow — such a clean kill every time and the feathers on the arrows are just darling. However, it is always wise to keep most of the weapons in a central, secure area of the house.

To start, gather up enough scrap paper for the number of labels you need. If you have multiple colored pens, try using different ones for each of the weapons categories. If you don’t have colored pens, don’t despair – use different fonts to make each weapon category distinctive (now is a great time to work on you cursive script!). I like to draw a picture of each weapon on the label to give it that personal touch.

After the attack is over, those labeled shelves will make it easy to have everything back in its proper place in time for supper!

Step Three: Putting it all together

Once you have your labels made, it is time to put the whole arsenal together. A little tip, if you don’t have glue to affix the labels to the shelves, a little pine sap from a nearby tree should do the trick! Once all the labels have been pasted, neatly stack the weapons in their correct locations. Sweep the room and voila – your well-ordered and tidy arsenal is ready for the next attack.

And remember, don’t be afraid to employ some gentle nagging. It’s the only way the gentlemen in your household will learn to put that sawed off shotgun back where it belongs!

Until next time, remember: a home is not so sweet with rotting corpses ’round your feet!

Sincerely,

Mrs. K