In this four part series, we will discuss our colony’s first ever high glitz beauty pageant. In this competition, our four little misses will compete to win the title “Ultimate Grand Supreme of the Virginia Territory.” In part 1 of this series, I described how our pageant was organized. Part 2 shows you how to make over your plain jane into a petite pageant princess.

The time has come to discuss the creation of glitz pageant routines. Below we have discussed the two types that will matter to our competition this Friday: modeling routines (for swimwear and eveningwear) and the talent competition.

Modeling Routines Competitions
Modeling routines give your junior survivor a chance to show off their facial beauty. For those children like Maude who are not blessed with an angelic bone structure, this is a great opportunity for her to fake a sparkling, bubbly personality. Remember to encourage your petite miss to flirt with their audience. Remind them to make sure they make eye contact, blow kisses, and wink at the judges. As I always say, the deeper the dimples, the higher the scores.

As the pageant coach, one of your main responsibilities is to stand behind the judges and act out the routines with twice the animation necessary. This helps your little princesses remember their routine when they forget what they are supposed to do. Don’t worry about how silly or desperate you look; it’s all part of the glitz pageant process.

Talent Competitions
As I mentioned previously, the talent portion of our pageant is a new world addition, where we set each girl loose with a zed in a pit with a weapon to demonstrate their poise under pressure. For this portion, our weapon of choice is a baton. For Maude, the talent competition may be her only chance to shine. Therefore I have taught her a fabulous baton twirling/zombie exterminating routine. In 90 seconds she twirls, whirls and shows off before delivering the final blow to the skull.

So far Maude has struggled with this routine during our practice sessions. Last Saturday we went through nine hours and twenty-two undead “volunteers” before she got the tricky parts precisely right. She may have been covered in blood at the end, but she managed to remember the first rule of pageantry: always smile!

Practice Makes Perfect
Make sure your princess practices their routines over and over. I’ve found that feeding Maude a constant barrage of sugar and homemade energy drinks helps her stay energetic and focused during her practices. One of the side benefits of this is that she no longer sleeps, giving her even more time to focus on her modeling routines.

It may seem a bit extreme, but it’s what you have to do to be competitive in a glitz pageant. On Friday we’ll let you know the outcome of our pageant. May the glitziest girl win the Ultimate Grand Supreme tiara!

All is fair in love and pageantry,
Miss E