Ask the Gracious Ladies: Help! These Zombie Dogs Keep Eating my Chickens!

Dear Gracious Ladies,

I would love some advice on critter care. The darn zombie dogs keep attacking my chickens.

Thanks!
Ms. Cav

Dear Ms. Cav,

Thank you so much for your question! I have some good news for you: these chicken-murdering dogs are not undead, they are merely rabid. As far as we can tell, bitten animals can’t turn into ghouls the way we humans can. Therefore, these pups can die from any shot wound – not just a headshot.

After the great panic, peoples’ formerly precious pooches were abandoned. Left to their own devices, these puppies banded together to create wild roving dog gangs. I’ve seen packs of toy poodles, French bulldogs and Yorkshire terriers rediscover their inner wolf. What a dangerous world we live in!

However, you can’t monitor your chicken coop all the time, which is why I have a great tip for you. Like all living things these canines have a natural aversion to zombies. My recommendation is that you create a scarecrow (using a fresh undead cadaver) and tie it up near your chicken coop. The tell-tale zombie smell will detract animal predators from making a snack out of your livestock.

One warning: your chickens may produce fewer eggs due to their anxiety about being so close to a zed, but we can’t have everything can we?

May your Easter eggs be plentiful,
Miss E

Have a question? Need some sage advice? Please submit your question in the question box attached to the barn… or email us at the.ladies.zombie.handbook@gmail.com

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8 thoughts on “Ask the Gracious Ladies: Help! These Zombie Dogs Keep Eating my Chickens!

  1. Dearest Miss E,

    I am so very relieved to know I’m not dealing with zombie canines.

    And thank you for your insightful tip on how to protect the coop! I am actually not too worried about egg production as my chickens are rather intrepid–they’ve even been known to chase off a zed or two when out foraging (zombies don’t seem to know what to do when confronted with a flock of indignant fowl.)

    With gratitude and all best wishes,
    PatCav

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