Miss E’s Handy Guide to Post-Apocalyptic Power Napping

 

With all of those late nights running from zombies, worrying about cannibal attacks, and protecting your toilet paper stash from untrustworthy fellow survivors, it really is difficult to get a wink in, let alone a proper nine hours! Along with compassionate clinicians, children, and the elderly, those people who slept soundest were very early weeded out after the great panic of 2019. Call it evolution, natural selection or adaptation, the takeaway is simple: those of us who are lightest sleepers tend to avoid danger and live another day.

However, avoiding sleep is not the answer. A lack of Zzzs can lead to hallucinations, death and, perhaps worst of all, those dratted puffy under-eye circles! After all, heaven knows that the apocalypse really can do a number on one’s girlish looks. Therefore, I would strongly argue that regular beauty sleep has become a crucial tool to maintaining a Gracious Lady’s smooth skin and fashionably zaftig figure.

Here are my recommendations for how to nap safely and soundly:

  • Take small naps throughout the day – never allow yourself to indulge in more than a few hours of sleep.
  • Nap in high places to avoid detection. For example, during the earliest days of the great panic, I camped out in the Netherlands Carillon which was the perfect place to catch a snooze in between watching the capital descend into chaos. Maybe it’s gauche of me to say, but I don’t think I was ever quite so well rested than in those days!
  • Be sure to keep a weapon of choice under your pillow, for easy access. Nowadays, I can hardly nod off without cuddling with my favorite rifle.
  • Never nap when you are supposed to be on guard. These are the kinds of little mistakes that fellow survivors tend to not forgive.

And always remember, ladies: sleep with one eye open!  At the very least, you might be able to spy a potential husband before another single girl snags him.

Signing off,
Miss E

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